While We Were Still Enemies....

Much has happened in the past month since I last wrote. I have moved from Kuwait Naval Base to Camp Arifjan & I have moved from one location to another while at Arifjan. We now commute to work via contracted bussing because our driving privileges have been revoked by Admiral Redpath. And I no longer work at Shuaiba because I have been re-assigned to the "Transition Training Team" or, in Navy lingo, T3 for short.

All of this was set in motion weeks ago, because big Navy wants to proclaim "Mission Complete!" in this aspect of our support of the Army. The goal is to completely withdraw from all port activities altogether, &, if everything goes according to plan, we should be able to achieve this goal by July during the Hotel rotation.

So, what will I be doing now that I'm assigned to T3? I don't know. I hope to go home earlier than originally anticipated. If I am so blessed then I'll leave here around mid-April. If not then I'm here until mid-May which is my planned rotation date anyway.

With everything in transition & up-in-the-air as it is right now I want so much to be able to know what the immediate future holds. The fact that I know so little & that I can't count on anything for sure until it actually happens is discomfitting. It's like trying to walk on quicksand. But the Command continues to demand flexibility from us claiming our unofficial motto is "Semper Gumby". As for myself, I hope to never see a Gumby show or hear his name again. Ever.

A few weeks ago I had planned on updating this blog but now I'm glad I didn't. For a couple of reasons: First, I was at my lowest point of the deployment &, second, I know so much more now than I did then.

By the grace of God I am no longer being assailed by depressing thoughts which is actually a lack of faith in Him, or, more aptly, functional atheism. Ironically, I was studying the travails of Paul & I knew in my heart that without a doubt he suffered so much more than I have. Yet he strove to be content & joyful in all things.

Also, regardless of whatever my situation, it is still far better than I deserve, for I know the depth of my sins. If I don't see sin as God does then to some extent I will always believe that I somehow deserve God's grace & mercy, & that, even more egregiously, I deserve a saviour & that God somehow owed it to me to have His Son die for the sins I commit! I believe Paul fully understood the depth of his sin & God's view of it; therefore, this understanding added to his contentment & joy.

God is faithful even when I'm faithless. And I am faithless - in more than one area of my life. I can never pride myself on my faithfulness, for in whatever one area I am faithful there are at least ten areas where I am not. Furthermore, the real miracle is not that I'm faithful in just one area - whch is to say, the one area in which God enables me to be faithful - but that God continues to be faithful in all areas in spite of my faithlessness.

As I write this I find myself becoming emotional, & I'm not sure why. By God's faithfulness I'm reminded of the Scripture that reads "... While we were still enemies of God...." & I can't help but praise Him under my breath. Even as I watched "Facing the Giants" - which also schooled me on the faithfulness of God - I was on the verge of tears. I kid you not. But I held them back, for I was not alone.

I wish I could continue but I cannot. There are duties I have yet to perform before the sun sets & the day is quickly fading.

Be it the will of God, I'll see you all soon.

A Poem

I was born naive of You
But me You already knew
Even before I was in my mother's womb.
Why would You decree a call
To this lamb whom You apalled
That would rescue me from a much-deserved doom?
Should I presume the need to know
Why You'd rescue me from my woe?
When I think of who I am I weep
For I know of the fruit I should reap.
Instead you rescued me from Your holy wrath.
Now when I think on my rightful due
I no longer see me I see You.
Thank You, Lord, for straightening my errant path!
Now I pray to You for You're more than able
To make me worthy to sit at Your table.
As I walk this road before me
It's You waiting at the end I see.
Oh, how I want to run into Your embrace!
But this road cannot be passed by,
for it's needed to sanctify
And I know it is You, Lord, who sets the pace.
How much longer, I'm oft tempted to ask,
How much longer 'til the end of this task?
Soon I'll be at the wedding feast
And all suff'ring will long have ceased.
Oh, Lord, I anxiously await that great day!
I'll dine with You & You with me,
Together eternal we will be.
Please, Lord, do not tarry, this I humbly pray.
Yet, Lord, it is Your will I pray be done,
For I know still more souls need to be won.
To God be the glory! Amen.

Forgiveness

How much have I been forgiven? This is a rhetorical question, of course, but according to Jesus - who was & is the ultimate authority on the matter - how much I love Him is directly related to how much I perceive I've been forgiven. So, if I believe in my heart that I'm not as evil as, say, Jeffrey Dahmer then, by implication, I have not been forgiven as much as him & so then I will not have the love the Lord as much as he does.

I base this assertion on a verse in Luke &, I confess, it has been a stumbling block for me for quite some time now. At first I thought, "Great! I've never been a whore, a thief, a murderer.... Sure, I've been a drunk &, yes, I've cursed & lied but I've never done anything that bad!" No, I've never considered becoming any of those things but I did think that those that did were truly blessed simply because Jesus said they would love Him more.

Jesus said He came not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance, & that those who are well have no need for a physician. Fact is we all are sinners & sin is a disease only the Master Physician can remedy.

I am sick. I am a sinner. In no way do these two statements, which are both true & factual, exonerate me or absolve me from my guilt. I have no excuse for what & who I am nor can I blame anyone else but my myself for my condition.

I get angry, I'm extremely prideful in what I've achieved & in who I am, I afflict myself with lustful thoughts & I lie on an all-to-consistent basis. Although I have never murdered in deed I have thought murderous thoughts - & I have relished those thoughts as one would savor the flavor of iced tea on a hot summer's day!

Oh, the sinner that I am!

Jesus says those who are forgiven little, loves little. I have not been forgiven little. In fact, the longer I live the more I will need to be forgiven. And the more I am forgiven, the more I will love Him.

It was never a question of how much I have sinned; rather, it was one of perception. How much did I think I sinned? I know now that I am the worst sinner I know, no less a sinner than those who are languishing in prison right now.

All my life I have been surrounded & raised by those who fear & love God. I have been instructed in His ways & taught of my need for a saviour. If anyone could say he is not ignorant of God it would be me. I am wholly & utterly without excuse.

Yet in spite of my childhood I regretted my naivete of the world. Everyone, it seemed, had a dramatic testimony of how they came to Christ. But not me. I had always known the Truth. I cannot even claim the hour, day, month & year I came to saving grace as so many others do. And I felt guilty because of it, like I was missing out.

Don't get me wrong, I did have my dark years. I flirted with a life of sin, but when it came down to it the Truth would not leave me alone. It haunted me, sometimes it wouldn't let me sleep. For I knew the Truth & it knew me.

Flirtation with a life of unrest & sin. I call it a "flirtation" but a flirtation is just as bad. Sort of like "experimenting" with drugs: You still did them you just didn't make it a permanent lifestyle. For me, an unbeliever's lifestyle was not a fit.

I know it may appear as if I'm rambling but I'm not rambling in vain. I wrote all that to make a point that I hope is obvious by now: I feared I loved little because I perceived I had been forgiven little.

In my arrogance I had asked God why He did not allow me to wander a little farther from Him so that I could love Him a little more. I know He was protecting me from the pain that is consequential of profound sin but I wanted not only the experience but also the chance to know a deeper love for Him. I actually envied those who did have that opportunity!

There are many "I" statements written here revealing the extreme selfishness of my heart. Also the pride & arrogance. By writing what I have I have revealed how black my heart truly is, & that I had lost sight of the fact that it isn't about me but about Christ & His love & sacrifice for me. I have forgotten that it's all for His glory.

Again I have read Luke 7:47 but this time I have come to a new understanding, by the grace of God. The Holy Spirit knew I had been struggling with this verse & so He mercifully opened my eyes to its meaning by pointing me to another, possibly related, verse - Luke 5:31. Whereas I am not a theologian I cannot say this for sure but it almost appears as if Jesus' statements in these verses may be tongue-in-cheek. He said: "Those who are well have no need for a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance." (Luke 5:31)

And, "Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven - for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." (Luke 7:47)

I have come to realize that we are all sick & are in need of a physician, including myself. Further, Jesus says He did not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance. And since Paul, writing to the Romans, quoted Psalms as saying, "None is righteous, no, not one...." then I can only assume that Jesus was actually calling all of us to repentance.

As stated earlier I have never been a murderer thief or prostitute. I have never experienced the path of a drug abuser. But I have sinned. I have sinned as much as, if not more than, the murderer or drug user. My sins are just more "refined" &, as such, more palatable to the society at large.

The error I had made when I first read Luke 7:47 was what I perceived as the severity of my
sins, not the number. In God's eyes, as I've always been told, severity of the sin was never the point, for they are all sins. Nor, in my opinion, is it the number of sins, for the Lord says that if you only commit one sin you commit them all. Jesus had to forgive us all the same.

Yet the question remains: How much have I been forgiven? The answer is much regardless of my upbringing & lifestyle. Once I have fully grasped this truth then I will truly love Him all the more.

A Trying Week

The holidays passed without much fanfare. Regardless, they did serve as an important landmark for me whereas as of 31 December I will have been deployed for 107 days. In my mind we have not yet reached the point of counting down the days remaining on our orders so instead I continue to count up. Our orders are written for 270 days so the half-way point, by my estimate, would be 28 January. Almost there!

I was over-joyed to receive mail from the Olsen family, the Powers & the care package that the DeVidal's put together for the troops. All my friends here enjoy the artwork & the sweets; however, I haven't been able to interest them in the toothpaste or toothbrushes. I'm sure Chris & Jerod would be happy to know that, yes, I have successfully passed out the Gospel tracts. Unfortunately I don't think anyone has read them; I think they accepted & promised to read them just to appease me. And, as always, thanks to my immediate family for keeping the packages with books, sweets & other necessities coming down-range.

My experience here in Kuwait (NOT Iraq) continues to be, at times, a painful character-builder. I'm happy when a ship is in-port, because it means we have a purpose that must be fulfilled, & there was an abundance of them this past month. But woe to us on the vessel team when there are no ships in-port & nothing to do! Because when there is nothing to do not only does time slow down but also higher headquarters company (HHC) finds something for us to do, & it's usually something I like to call "busy work".

Now, we all know what "busy work" is: It's those meaningless chores that has nothing to do at all with the mission either directly or indirectly but is reserved by the military for the sole purpose of giving the troops something to do when there is really nothing to be done. You see, it would go against the nature of all military commanders to allow their troops more than a day or two off at one time unless they are on authorized leave or R & R. To wit, we, being the vessel team, have been assigned 55-gallon drums to paint, Third Country Nationals (TCN's) to escort, quarterdeck & dining facility (D-FAC) watches & equipment on which to train. I, personally, have been assigned to a D-FAC watch & a Kalmar RT-240 Rough-Terrain Container Handler (RATCH) on which to qualify as a driver.

No, no, no! Don't laugh. It gets even better.

When I challenged a chief petty officer & an officer on the matter of painting drums I was told, "Eddy, we don't care how many drums you paint in four months [the remainder of the deployment]. You could paint just one or all of them for all we care!" Talk about taking the wind out of the sails of my anger, which only served to anger me all the more. They weren't supposed to tell me that, at least that's not how the conversation played itself out in my mind. What were they thinking by not going along with the script I had already written for them? How humiliating!

Later on that same day I was given a spreadsheet of our assignments for the week. Of course, according to the spreadsheet, I was to have nothing to do with painting those drums. Instead, I was assigned to learning how to operate a RATCH with two fellow shipmates as my instructors. (Two teachers for one student? Nevermind, I won't even go there....) Now I was really sinning in my anger. In fact, I was quickly becoming the chief of sinners, not that I wasn't already. I wanted to paint those drums, darn it, so I could justify my sin (anger) all the more. Now I was looking more the fool.

What makes this situation even worse is the over-all sin I was feeding. That sin is pride. In my mind I had convinced myself that I deserved better & that I was above all this. I am a Christian, for Pete's sake, a follower of Christ! Here I am reading books like "The Discipline of Grace" & "The Pursuit of Godliness" & yet I have no grace or Godliness in me. I am being the worst possible picture of Christ for the world to view & yet I had pridefully set in my heart to concentrate on all things Christian & to become apathetic to all things Navy. I had convinced myself that by becoming more righteous, as I saw it, I was taking the high road in the matter when in deed I was using my self-righteousness to feed my pride. Maybe those to whom I had given those Gospel tracts saw that in me & so decided to throw them away as a result.

Whether I want to admit it or not I am a leader. By my words & actions I can either lead people to Christ or consign them to the pit of Hell. I fear that my actions over the course of the past week has done more of the latter than the former. Especially since, as I have also been forced to learn this past week, that I am one of the few people in this unit to be held in high regard by most everyone.

Originally, I had planned to go in a completely different direction with this entry but for whatever reason I didn't. Maybe sometime in the near future, the Lord permitting, I'll be able to broach that subject.

So, until next time....

Merry Christmas!

Christmas. Peace on Earth, good will to men.

Too bad the bad guys in this part of the world don't believe in Christmas, or in wishing peace or good will - to anyone. Well, they do but only if you share their beliefs. Otherwise they sing carols to Allah calling for our doom. And this Christmas I will be right in their midst, among people who would much rather wish me ill simply because all I claim to know is Jesus & Him crucified.

Looking around the countryside one would never be able to guess that Christmas is near. No Christmas trees, no Christmas lights, no effigies of Santa Claus & certainly no Nativity scenes dot the landscape as they do in America. It's kind of eerie.

As such, this Christmas does not feel like Christmas. But Christmas shouldn't be about me or my feelings; it is about our Lord born to a virgin for the sole purpose of dying for us. And to ultimately rise again. Hence, it doesn't matter where you or I are, for it's still Christmas.

I want you all to know how much I appreciate & love you. Thank you for the support you have extended to my family in my absence, for that is the greatest Christmas gift you all could have ever given me. Further, thank you for the prayers, e-mails & posts. I read them all.

But, most importantly, Merry Christmas & peace be unto you. Even if there is seemingly no peace on Earth.

Repentance: Another Gift from God

It has been my heart's desire to post more often on my blog but, lately, I've been prevented from doing so. Access to a computer connected to the Internet has been spotty to say the least due in no small part to the unusually high number of people staying here at this time. A vast majority of them, unlike myself, are transients either ultimately heading north to Iraq or going home. Regardless it doesn't really matter to me I just wish they would leave so everything can get back to normal & I can once again freely access the Web.

We have been staying busy, which is good, because otherwise time would appear to be at a stand-still. I know it isn't wise to wish away my life, for it is already short, like a breath of wind; but I consider this case to be an exception to the rule, an aberration of the norm. Yet in spite of what I feel, I know that I will one day look back at this time as a moment when God sovereignly moved in my life.

Privacy here is almost unheard-of. Before I wouldn't have cared as much but now that a desire to be with the Lord is becoming more insistent in me I am discovering that escape is not so easy. There are no closets to which I can run nor are there any bathrooms where I can lock the door & hide. Well, there are those portable toilets but they're plastic with no "clean" seats & they smell like - well - a sewer which is a distraction more than anything else.

Why do I have a desire for solitude? Quite simply, because I believe the Lord is calling me to repentance. And I need that solitude so I can vocalize that of which I'm repenting. Through this repentance will come revival, for God is quick to visit the repentant & humble soul. Since God resists the proud I have come to firmly believe that unless a man first humbles himself & repents he will never know God.

Of course I did not come to this conclusion on my own but with the help of a couple of books I recently read called "Repentance" by Richard Owen Roberts & "No Compromise: The Life Story of Keith Green" by Melody Green. Mr. Roberts' book expounds more on the practicality of the issue than does "No Compromise" but Mr. Green's biography does serve as a competent real-life example of someone who lived a life of repentance.

Both of these books were convicting & were sufficiently used by God to grasp my attention & to shake me out of the spiritual complacency to which I had fallen prey. By the grace of God I now know that repentance is not an act performed only at the point of salvation but it is something that I need to do continually. Repentance of sins should not be general or all-inclusive; it should be specific or itemized in my prayers. Repentance demands change not only of my outward actions but also of my inward heart. And, like our salvation, true repentance is not inherently a desire of my heart but a gift from God.

May it always be, Lord, may it always be!

Amen.

Gratefully Chosen?

Having finished reading "Chosen for Life" by Sam Storms I have come to realize that I'm truly blessed. No matter how contentious or challenging my life may or may not be I must remember that my first & most urgent need has already been met; & that need would be my need for a saviour.

Now I can face death without fear; pain with long suffering; & persecution & ridicule with almost supernatural tolerance. For now I know without a doubt my salvation is assured, because the One who assures it says I cannot be seized from His hand. For the first time in years I am beginning to again believe that I am loved & accepted by the only One who matters.

As I read "Chosen for Life" my heart was moved. I cannot describe the emotions I experienced as I was reading except to say I was profoundly humbled. Humbled by the fact that God for no other reason other than expressing His mercy & for His glory alone seemingly arbitrarily chose me before the dawn of time to be His.

This fact by itself reinforces in me the need to know Him more, not out of arrogance but as a form of humble worship. Although there is no way I can re-pay the debt I owe Him I am still inspired as I have never been before; hence, I will no longer worship Him out of a spirit of obligation alone but also out of a spirit of intense gratitude. I will pour out my heart to Him both privately & publicly, & glean every bit of knowledge I can from the Scriptures concerning His character. I will put to death what sin in my life He brings to my knowledge, not by my power but by His grace. Lord, may You sanctify me to become more like You!

Not only sanctify me but also let others see the changes You make in me not for my credit but for Your glory so that they, too, may desire to come to know You as I do; may they come to repent & know saving grace because of what they see You do in the heart of a frail sinner such as I.

Lord Jesus, I also repent & beg Your forgiveness for not believing in You & doubting You. If I truly believed & had no doubts I would not sin. My sin is doubt & unbelief even as I looked upon Your face! Forgive me, Lord, & strengthen me....

As I read "Chosen for Life" it became clearer to me why we worship God: We worship Him because of who He is. We worship Him because of what He has done & continues to do in our lives. But more & more, for me, it is because of gratitude for choosing me when He was under no obligation whatsoever to do so.

Before I believed as I do now I worshiped more out of obligation not to God but to those around me. I had reason to doubt my salvation. Even if I had no doubts, why would I lift my voice to worship? Who was I worshiping? God?

Now that I look back through re-newed lenses I can see that I was indeed grateful; but I wasn't grateful so much for what God had done, rather I was grateful for the opportunity He freely offered & for the potential it posed therein. If I truly worshipped at all it wasn't out of gratefulness to Him alone but also out of gratefulness to myself! Could it be that I was actually worshipping both myself & God? Lord, let it not be so!

Nonetheless I should be cautious for I could easily fall into the sins of arrogance & pride even now. For although others may not share the same beliefs that we do it still doesn't make us any less brothers & sisters in Christ. Because I am not of Calvin & they of Arminius but we are all of Christ.

Ah, Kuwait!

Ah, Kuwait! Bordered by Iraq to the north, Saudi Arabia to the west & the Persian Gulf to the east, it serves as the primary logistics hub to both the U.S. & the Insurgents. Her landscape is hard on the eyes & is mostly sand & rock. Kuwait looks its best after nightfall, even better if observed through shut eyelids. Why anyone would proudly call this place home is beyond me.

We finally arrived in-country after a long, 16 1/2 hour flight that began just before 2 a.m. on Friday & ended at around 5 a.m. on Saturday. While in the air it seemed as if our plane was chasing the sun; indeed, we caught the sun & eventually passed it as darkness once again enveloped us. Imagine, if you can, the jet lag from which we suffered.

Eventually we would arrive at the place we would come to know as our home for the next few months. Ironically, it is known as "Mayberry" to the men & women who stay here, for the camp is small compared to the others in Kuwait. But I can't complain: We have free room & board, a Morale, Welfare & Recreation building & we're paid a whole $3.50 in per diem a day.

After we were afforded the remainder of Saturday to sleep & recover from our long journey we were given our assignments & sent to work. Yes, our first day was Sunday, & it did not begin with the ringing of church bells but with a muezzin calling on all faithful Muslims to prayer.

Being one of eight sailors assigned to a vessel team I am busy only so long as there is a ship in port; otherwise I have a short work day. I am keenly aware that those who are not on a vessel team are envious & I believe that it won't be long before they begin to voice their displeasure. Indeed, they have already begun to do so in spite of their strenuous two days on, one day off work schedule.

As it stands right now my day begins at 9:45 p.m. & concludes usually around 1 p.m. the following day. Although we relieve the other vessel team around midnight, we have to first pick-up our weapons, commute to the work site & eat. When our shift is over at noon we have to return to our camp, which explains why our day typically ends at 1 p.m. But, of course, if no ship is in port we can leave early.

My beloved wife was able to expeditiously mail out my trunk & as a result I have already received it. Which is good for all of us, because in that trunk is stowed a camera. Hopefully I will be able to sneak a few photos of where I'm staying & maybe even download them to this site.

He Made It

Craig was able to call this morning and all is well other than a bad case of jet lag. There is a seven hour difference; eight hours after tomorrow since Kuwait does not recognize daylight savings time. It was just about 5pm when he called (his time) and he had a briefing at 6 and after that I think he was heading off to bed to get some much needed rest. All he has right now is a sleeping bag and he was going to go and buy a pillow. I sent him his big foot locker the other day full of things from home like sheets, his pillow, a camera and other fun things for him to enjoy. We are also hoping to send him care packages or letters at least every two or three weeks. It takes about that long for him to receive them so maybe we can keep them coming :)

Well that is all I have for now. I am hoping that Craig will be able to update soon.

Oh....that picture that I thought was Craig isn't. He told me this morning that he knows for sure it's not him and he's right. I enlarged it and sure enough it's not. Bummer!

Well, He's Off!

Well Craig has left for the Middle East and I anxiously await his call to let me know that he has arrived safely. I was pretty emotional the night before his departure mostly because I knew that he would be so far away. There was some comfort knowing he was in the States. Even though we weren't together I knew he was safe. The good news is that this is just one more step needed for him to get home. The sooner he gets there the sooner he can get home....right?

The night he left he called me from his pre-paid cell phone that we bought right before he left for Virginia. He said that he had 9 minutes and about 35 seconds left and he wanted to use them up. So our conversation was pretty funny because I kept looking at my phone to see how long we had been talking and report that back to him. We were saying what we wanted to say to each other really fast because we wanted to make sure that we said everything before the time ran out. We did manage to tell each other that we loved each other and actually get to say goodbye before time ran out.

In other news, we have a great Ombudsman who keeps us updated and sends us information on our Unit. She sent an article that talks about Craig's unit and the work that they will be doing. And there is a picture of Craig holding one of the flags. It doesn't say who's in the pictures but below the picture you can click "View Larger" you can see it bigger. It totally looks like him ;) Check out the article if you get a chance at: http://www.news.navy.mil/search/display.asp?story_id=32952

Well I guess I will go now and wait by the phone - just kidding - maybe! Actually I don't expect a call today. Tomorrow maybe but not today. Thanks for your continuing prayers. They are greatly appreciated.

The End Is Near

So now it's over. After almost three weeks straight of training without a day off I can finally sigh a sigh of relief.

During those three weeks I learned how to create a stow plan for a vessel, how to shoot an M16 rifle & an M9 pistol with deadly accuracy, I re-learned how to march in ranks & why I dislike endless meetings so much. I learned many other things as well but I'll spare you the boring details; suffice it to say that now I remember why I'm going to retire from the Navy soon after I return.

In spite of all this & how busy I have been I've enjoyed being a member of the training team to which I have been assigned. Our team had, arguably, one of the more intense training schedules but we somehow managed to keep our collective sense of humor. From the "four claps & a boom!" to singing a variety of Italian folk songs like "Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey" (don't ask) I think we have definitely made our mark. But soon we'll be in theater & we will be re-assigned according to our training & the needs of the command.

Spiritually, I can't say I've been as diligent as I had hoped I would be. Unfortunately, going to church has not been an option for me whereas the Navy has pre-empted the last few Sundays, but that fact does not in any way exempt me from blame for not doing my devotions as I should. But that should change when I get in theater. Maybe even while I'm flying over there.

Speaking of flying out I'm willing to wager that there are a few of you wondering when that that will be. And the answer to that is.... A date & time I cannot publish on this forum. Sorry. Operational security & all that jazz. But the date is fast approaching to the point that I have already mailed all unnecessary items home, if that gives you any clue.

However, although I cannot disclose the date of my departure from these familiar shores what I can do is give you all my new mailing address. It will be:

SK1 Craig Eddy
NAVELSG Fwd. HQ
APO AE 09337

Because I know that not all of you are of the Christian persuasion, I must, for the record, request that no one send me any pornographic materials or any alcoholic beverage. Not only am I not interested in such hedonism but also because it's against the laws of the State of Kuwait. And you could get me into trouble. So please, for my sake, don't! Don't even e-mail it to me.

Before I close - & before I forget! - I would like to publically thank Jerod (spelling?) for humbly serving my family by mowing our lawn. No, Jerod, this doesn't necessarily mean I'm now going to vote for Fred Thompson for President, lol! It just means I'm eternally grateful & in your debt.

Until next time, God bless.

Chapel of Tears and Burning Lungs

Instead of going to church on Sunday the Navy felt it more important for me to worship at the Chapel of Tears and Burning Lungs. The Navy calls it the "Confidence Chamber" although to me it looks more like a tent with an all too familiar white smoke emanating from the entrance.

Whoever first coined the phrase "Confidence Chamber" had an ironic sense of humor. Before we are even allowed to enter this "Holy of Holies" we must first be indoctrinated in the intricacies of chemical and biological warfare, and in the use of our gas masks and outfits. Then we don our "Religious Garments" while one of the instructors lights off an "Incense Candle". We enter twelve or so at a time, do some exercises and then we're told to remove our masks one at a time. The instructor then asks a question to which we can only hope to have the right answer.

Of course I wasn't so lucky.

He asked me: "A snake bite is an example of which: A chemical attack or a biological attack?"

Funny how the instructor failed to cover that in the classroom.

"Biological?" I quickly answered. Maybe too quickly.

"Are you sure?"

"No, you're right, chemical," I guessed again.

"You're sure?"

"No, I don't know, It's whatever you want it to be!" I gasped. Remember, this whole exchange took place while my mask was off and as I was breathing in that noxious gas. And it burns!

He finally let me off the hook and ushered me out of the tent. When I got a glance through my tears at the other instructor waiting for me on the other side my sinful nature took over and I began chasing him in an attempt to give him a hug. No, it wasn't out of a sense of relief that I did this but because I was trying to get him to experience the same burning eyes and lungs I was. I never caught him but it was well worth seeing the look of horror on his face.

I know I've gone into some detail on Sunday's events but it was the highlight of my week and I wanted to share it with you all. I would share with you the events of Monday through Saturday as well but sense I don't want to relive it, I think I'll just let it pass.

Friends, I know it has been a while since I last posted but I've been incredibly busy. On average I've been getting done for the day around 9 p.m., sometimes as late 11. But I can't complain; the process has been much smoother than last time, we have a good officer corps and a group of chiefs I wish we had had with Alpha (this rotation is called Golf). All said and done I would have to say it is much better than we deserve. Until next time....

To Know Him and Be Known By Him

One of my goals as stated in a previous post is to get to know my Lord and Saviour better. After completing "The Enemy Within" I have decided to revisit that goal, even expound upon it. Because although it is a commendable goal I don't think it quite goes far enough and it seems to be too much focused on myself rather than on Him. Not to mention it even reads like a too often quoted Christian cliche. So not only have I decided to revisit that particular goal,
but I have also decided to rephrase it and give it a different point of view, so to speak. I have decided to rephrase it thus: To get to know the Lord better and to be known by Him.

To be technical Jesus already "knows" me; if he didn't than He would cease to be God. So then what does to "know" truly mean? Can Jesus simply choose to not "know" someone? Can the word "know" be interchanged with the word "love"? Maybe. Probably. Actually, I'm not sure. What I do know is that even the demons know Jesus, but they certainly don't love him. I suppose the same could be said of me. This is indeed a frightful course of thought and it is scaring me.

If I truly love the Lord than I would dread disappointing Him. Further, I would know what would disappoint Him, because I would make it the primary goal of my life not only to love Him more but also to know Him more profoundly with every passing day. I wouldn't be satisfied with simply knowing what grieves Him I would literally sob out loud every time I sinned, for I would know that sin is what grieves the Lord. And what grieves Him should also grieve me. Deeply so.

There is only one way for me to get to know Jesus, the true lover of my soul more. That is, I must pray and meditate upon Him and His revealed word. I must also read commentaries, various translations and seek out different meanings to key words and phrases found in those various translations. I can never allow myself to become satisfied or complacent with my relationship with the Lord.

The goal, then, would cease to be "to know Him better" but instead it would be "to know Him better and to be known by Him".

Goals

Many people in my unit have made it their goal to earn the Expeditionary Warfare Badge (EXW) by the end of this deployment. A lofty goal indeed, especially for those who, unlike myself, have not yet earned one (I have the Submarine Warfare Badge). I, on the other hand, still remain undecided as to whether or not I will put forth the effort to get it. I just don't know if it'll be worth it especially with my impending retirement.

Not that I have embarked upon this journey with absolutely no goals whatsoever. Far from it. Rather, I feel my goals are not for the temporal but for the eternal, & I believe earning the EXW - while commendable - would serve only to boost my already enormous ego. The EXW would be worth something to me & my Navy career for only as long as I am in the Navy, which is going to be for a mere 11 months after I return from this deployment. I've already mentioned this to one of my esteemed colleagues to which he rebutted: "Yeah, but it'll sure look good in your shadow box." My shadow box?! I could hardly find it in me to stifle my laughter, because he obviously doesn't know me very well.

Goals. Everyone needs them. And not just in times of turmoil & upheaval. I know a guy here who has a goal to become more like a Marine or a Ranger. I know this because he showed me a Ranger manual he recently purchased. I've also talked with him at length on more than one occasion wherein he confided to me that he either wants to experience combat or be involved in some of the more dangerous chores we, as a unit, are often assigned to do. Personally, I think he just wants a weapon & that scares me. What is even more frightening is that he'll get one. We all do.

I hear that some of the most successful people in the world put their goals on paper & then put it somewhere where they will see it at least daily. I confess I've never before done this but maybe this time I will. The only downside I can foresee with doing this is that not only will I be the one seeing my goals daily but also a vast majority of my shipmates will as well. And they are ruthless. Not to hold me accountable but to tease.

So what are my goals? Well, obviously, I want to get to know my Lord & Saviour better. After all, he consigned Moses to the backside of the desert for 40 years, & even Jesus Himself spent some time in the outback for the purpose of "building character" (not that Jesus needed any "character building" but Moses certainly did). I would also like to lift God up in all I do & to give the glory to Him for every success thereby being a witness for Him. On a more aesthetic level I would like to sport a six-pack for my abs & be in much better shape than I am right now. But that goal is more for my wife's pleasure than for God's glory. I figure I'm allowed a little vanity especially if it's for the love of my life.

So there they are. My goals. And they're written down for all to see. Hopefully you all will be merciful.

Boredom

For the first time since I started this blog I have begun writing an entry without having a clue on what I'm going to write. I have no inspiring or de-spiring words to write. It appears my muse has forsaken me - at least for the moment.

I know what I should be doing but for reasons I can't even begin to fathom I haven't been doing them. I know I should wake up early to build a relationship with the lover of my soul but instead I watch TV. I know I should be reading His Holy Word & meditate upon it but instead I read magazines & newspapers. Mindlessly, I might add, much like an automoton would.

I always think it's ironic but I find this truth to hold fast: That in times of plenty I tend to forget Jesus but in times of famine His grace seems to be all the more abundant. Unlike the previous time I was away I can literally feel the prayers being lifted up on my behalf. And I know you all are praying for me because of a dream my wife had. I cannot possibly remember all the names she listed but she listed many. If she has not yet told any of you about her dream then, please, ask her & I'm sure she'll tell you.

As for what is going on right now all I can tell you is that I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND! I know what class I'm scheduled to attend but it doesn't start until October ninth. I guess until then I'll do jumping jacks in my room & do my best to keep everyone here entertained. And maybe I'll even get to know my Lord & Saviour better in the process.

Too Funny

This has to be one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time.

The link below will direct you to the Girl Talk blog. Once there click on the link that says:

how to give your wife a great date night.

http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/2007/09/friday-funnie-3.html

Sit back, relax, and be prepared to laugh :)

Convicted

Indwelling sin is no more evident than in someone who has very little to do. Such is the case with us. Now that most everything we need to accomplish is done here in Norfolk we meet twice a day & then we're all left to our own devices. Boredom can be dangerous - the devil's workshop, so I've heard - & we as servicemembers are no different than anyone else. We've been lucky so far - we've all steered clear of trouble - but it's only a matter of time. If I had faith in nothing else I would still have faith in that.

Speaking of indwelling sin I have again began reading "The Enemy Within" by Kris Lundgaard. I say "again" because I started reading it some time ago but never finished it. So instead of trying to remember where I was I decided to just start over. Only this time I've determined that I'll actually read (& maybe even answer) & meditate on the Scriptures & study questions that accompanies each chapter. I figure that's the best way to get something out of it.

Now, I'm not quite sure if reading this book is one of my better ideas because I'm already being profoundly convicted. The layout of the book is such that reading the first few chapters makes you believe that you are the worst of sinners & if you aren't literally hating your sin to the shedding of your blood then maybe you should begin questioning your salvation. Believe me when I write that although I am not yet to the point of shedding my own blood I am to the point of crying tears of blood. I'm actually anxious to move on because I know there is hope & I'm sure this book won't leave me where I am right now.

As I've been reading "The Enemy Within" & writing this blog entry a few people have asked me what I'm reading & writing. I've kept my answers short & sweet, but one person in particular showed a little more interest than the others. It was then that I knew he is a Christian, for we got into an involved discussion on sin & temptation. And I mean involved. I think he & I will become friends & maybe even accountability partners, which would definitely be an answer to prayer. He just doesn't know it yet.

Good to Go!

"Okay, Petty Officer Eddy, you are good to go," said the helpful NMPS (Navy Mobilization Processing Site) official as she signed my check-out sheet. "Good luck & see you when you come back!"

And with that I was medically cleared by the Navy to ship out. Now all that remains for me to do is to complete some personnel paperwork & forms & then I'm done. Then I will be ready to go through my job-specific training.

Until that day arrives, however, I will have to wait. For at least another two weeks which seems to be a waste of time to me. Regardless, I'm still getting paid the same so I'm not complaining; however, if I were a tax-paying citizen (& I still am) I suppose I would be. By the way, did I thank you all for your support yet?



Now, while I may have heard those magical "good to go" words some of my shipmates have not. Out of an estimated 250 sailors that were mobilized & shipped up here to Norfolk, VA., I would say at least 20 people have been disqualified & sent home for various reasons. Most of them were women &, no, they are not pregnant. But to a person they were disappointed at being sent home. Probably because they feel as if they have let their shipmates down.

Because so many of us were disqualified the rumor mill has already begun to spin its wild tales almost as efficiently as Charlotte spun her webs in "Charlotte's Web". Tales like we're over-manned so the NMPS is tasked to whittle our numbers down by cutting those who have even minor discrepancies. But I don't think that's true. The Navy expects to disqualify as many as 10% of those mobilized, & 20 out of 250 is well within that range.

I regret that I don't have anything more profound than news to report at this time. Hopefully no one will hold that against me. But I do want to say thanks publically to Todd for his encouraging words, & I want all of you to know that I do look at all posts posted on this blog. So, please, feel free to post.

Until next time, God bless you all.

Spurgeon

I am reading Morning & Evening by Spurgeon and last night's devotion, September 18, was so good that Craig & I wanted to share


......The soldier follows his captain, the servant obeys his master, and so we must follow our Redeemer, to whom we are a purchased possession. We are not true to our profession of being Christians if we question the summons of our Leader and Commander. Submission is our duty; quibbling is our folly........Wherever Jesus may lead us, He goes before us. If we do not know where we go, we know with whom we go. With such a companion, who will dread the dangers of the journey? The assurance of eternal salvation; because He lives, we will live also. We should follow Christ in simplicity and faith, because the paths in which He leads us all end in glory and immortality. It is true that they may not be smooth paths-they may be covered with sharp, flinty trials; but they lead to "the city that has foundations, whose designer and maker is God."..........We will find it sweet to go up the bleak side of the hill with Christ; and when rain and snow blow into our faces, His dear love will make us far more blessed than those who sit at home and warm their hands at the world's fire. When Jesus draws us, we will run after Him. No matter where He leads us, we follow the Shepherd.

Purgatory & Grace

If there is a Purgatory I'm confident I am passing through it, & it is called the Navy Mobilization Processing Site (NMPS). Here we are being indoctrinated & briefed on what it is to be a U.S. sailor once again. Being for the most part a private citizen I almost forgot how much "hurry up & wait" is involved. But even this frustration is a blessing, for now I have more than enough time to draft a blog entry.

For those of you who are curious NMPS is where the Navy processes its reservists back into active duty. We have to fill out volumes of forms & paperwork, & we also endure more medical exams, vaccinations & screenings. It all seems unnecessarily redundant to me (remember, I went through a similar process at Jacksonville) but I cannot help but admit that they have become much more efficient at this since the last time I went through it.

On a more personal note, I believe God is giving me the grace to once more rise above my emotions. When I first arrived here I must confess I was in a funk, feeling sorry for myself, which I'm sure is somehow a fruit of the sin of pride ;). But with the help of John Piper & a song like "Grace Unmeasured" (which I listened to on the iPod) God lifted me up out of my self-inflicted pity.

Already I see a theme emerging in this deployment, & I think it will be grace. Not mine, mind you, but God's. While showing grace to others or being gracious has never been a strength of mine it is definitely not a weakness of God's. And so through my weakness will He be glorified not because of what I am capable of doing on my own (which is limited) but by what he does through me. And maybe - by His grace - I'll return a more gracious man.