A Trying Week

The holidays passed without much fanfare. Regardless, they did serve as an important landmark for me whereas as of 31 December I will have been deployed for 107 days. In my mind we have not yet reached the point of counting down the days remaining on our orders so instead I continue to count up. Our orders are written for 270 days so the half-way point, by my estimate, would be 28 January. Almost there!

I was over-joyed to receive mail from the Olsen family, the Powers & the care package that the DeVidal's put together for the troops. All my friends here enjoy the artwork & the sweets; however, I haven't been able to interest them in the toothpaste or toothbrushes. I'm sure Chris & Jerod would be happy to know that, yes, I have successfully passed out the Gospel tracts. Unfortunately I don't think anyone has read them; I think they accepted & promised to read them just to appease me. And, as always, thanks to my immediate family for keeping the packages with books, sweets & other necessities coming down-range.

My experience here in Kuwait (NOT Iraq) continues to be, at times, a painful character-builder. I'm happy when a ship is in-port, because it means we have a purpose that must be fulfilled, & there was an abundance of them this past month. But woe to us on the vessel team when there are no ships in-port & nothing to do! Because when there is nothing to do not only does time slow down but also higher headquarters company (HHC) finds something for us to do, & it's usually something I like to call "busy work".

Now, we all know what "busy work" is: It's those meaningless chores that has nothing to do at all with the mission either directly or indirectly but is reserved by the military for the sole purpose of giving the troops something to do when there is really nothing to be done. You see, it would go against the nature of all military commanders to allow their troops more than a day or two off at one time unless they are on authorized leave or R & R. To wit, we, being the vessel team, have been assigned 55-gallon drums to paint, Third Country Nationals (TCN's) to escort, quarterdeck & dining facility (D-FAC) watches & equipment on which to train. I, personally, have been assigned to a D-FAC watch & a Kalmar RT-240 Rough-Terrain Container Handler (RATCH) on which to qualify as a driver.

No, no, no! Don't laugh. It gets even better.

When I challenged a chief petty officer & an officer on the matter of painting drums I was told, "Eddy, we don't care how many drums you paint in four months [the remainder of the deployment]. You could paint just one or all of them for all we care!" Talk about taking the wind out of the sails of my anger, which only served to anger me all the more. They weren't supposed to tell me that, at least that's not how the conversation played itself out in my mind. What were they thinking by not going along with the script I had already written for them? How humiliating!

Later on that same day I was given a spreadsheet of our assignments for the week. Of course, according to the spreadsheet, I was to have nothing to do with painting those drums. Instead, I was assigned to learning how to operate a RATCH with two fellow shipmates as my instructors. (Two teachers for one student? Nevermind, I won't even go there....) Now I was really sinning in my anger. In fact, I was quickly becoming the chief of sinners, not that I wasn't already. I wanted to paint those drums, darn it, so I could justify my sin (anger) all the more. Now I was looking more the fool.

What makes this situation even worse is the over-all sin I was feeding. That sin is pride. In my mind I had convinced myself that I deserved better & that I was above all this. I am a Christian, for Pete's sake, a follower of Christ! Here I am reading books like "The Discipline of Grace" & "The Pursuit of Godliness" & yet I have no grace or Godliness in me. I am being the worst possible picture of Christ for the world to view & yet I had pridefully set in my heart to concentrate on all things Christian & to become apathetic to all things Navy. I had convinced myself that by becoming more righteous, as I saw it, I was taking the high road in the matter when in deed I was using my self-righteousness to feed my pride. Maybe those to whom I had given those Gospel tracts saw that in me & so decided to throw them away as a result.

Whether I want to admit it or not I am a leader. By my words & actions I can either lead people to Christ or consign them to the pit of Hell. I fear that my actions over the course of the past week has done more of the latter than the former. Especially since, as I have also been forced to learn this past week, that I am one of the few people in this unit to be held in high regard by most everyone.

Originally, I had planned to go in a completely different direction with this entry but for whatever reason I didn't. Maybe sometime in the near future, the Lord permitting, I'll be able to broach that subject.

So, until next time....

Merry Christmas!

Christmas. Peace on Earth, good will to men.

Too bad the bad guys in this part of the world don't believe in Christmas, or in wishing peace or good will - to anyone. Well, they do but only if you share their beliefs. Otherwise they sing carols to Allah calling for our doom. And this Christmas I will be right in their midst, among people who would much rather wish me ill simply because all I claim to know is Jesus & Him crucified.

Looking around the countryside one would never be able to guess that Christmas is near. No Christmas trees, no Christmas lights, no effigies of Santa Claus & certainly no Nativity scenes dot the landscape as they do in America. It's kind of eerie.

As such, this Christmas does not feel like Christmas. But Christmas shouldn't be about me or my feelings; it is about our Lord born to a virgin for the sole purpose of dying for us. And to ultimately rise again. Hence, it doesn't matter where you or I are, for it's still Christmas.

I want you all to know how much I appreciate & love you. Thank you for the support you have extended to my family in my absence, for that is the greatest Christmas gift you all could have ever given me. Further, thank you for the prayers, e-mails & posts. I read them all.

But, most importantly, Merry Christmas & peace be unto you. Even if there is seemingly no peace on Earth.

Repentance: Another Gift from God

It has been my heart's desire to post more often on my blog but, lately, I've been prevented from doing so. Access to a computer connected to the Internet has been spotty to say the least due in no small part to the unusually high number of people staying here at this time. A vast majority of them, unlike myself, are transients either ultimately heading north to Iraq or going home. Regardless it doesn't really matter to me I just wish they would leave so everything can get back to normal & I can once again freely access the Web.

We have been staying busy, which is good, because otherwise time would appear to be at a stand-still. I know it isn't wise to wish away my life, for it is already short, like a breath of wind; but I consider this case to be an exception to the rule, an aberration of the norm. Yet in spite of what I feel, I know that I will one day look back at this time as a moment when God sovereignly moved in my life.

Privacy here is almost unheard-of. Before I wouldn't have cared as much but now that a desire to be with the Lord is becoming more insistent in me I am discovering that escape is not so easy. There are no closets to which I can run nor are there any bathrooms where I can lock the door & hide. Well, there are those portable toilets but they're plastic with no "clean" seats & they smell like - well - a sewer which is a distraction more than anything else.

Why do I have a desire for solitude? Quite simply, because I believe the Lord is calling me to repentance. And I need that solitude so I can vocalize that of which I'm repenting. Through this repentance will come revival, for God is quick to visit the repentant & humble soul. Since God resists the proud I have come to firmly believe that unless a man first humbles himself & repents he will never know God.

Of course I did not come to this conclusion on my own but with the help of a couple of books I recently read called "Repentance" by Richard Owen Roberts & "No Compromise: The Life Story of Keith Green" by Melody Green. Mr. Roberts' book expounds more on the practicality of the issue than does "No Compromise" but Mr. Green's biography does serve as a competent real-life example of someone who lived a life of repentance.

Both of these books were convicting & were sufficiently used by God to grasp my attention & to shake me out of the spiritual complacency to which I had fallen prey. By the grace of God I now know that repentance is not an act performed only at the point of salvation but it is something that I need to do continually. Repentance of sins should not be general or all-inclusive; it should be specific or itemized in my prayers. Repentance demands change not only of my outward actions but also of my inward heart. And, like our salvation, true repentance is not inherently a desire of my heart but a gift from God.

May it always be, Lord, may it always be!

Amen.

Gratefully Chosen?

Having finished reading "Chosen for Life" by Sam Storms I have come to realize that I'm truly blessed. No matter how contentious or challenging my life may or may not be I must remember that my first & most urgent need has already been met; & that need would be my need for a saviour.

Now I can face death without fear; pain with long suffering; & persecution & ridicule with almost supernatural tolerance. For now I know without a doubt my salvation is assured, because the One who assures it says I cannot be seized from His hand. For the first time in years I am beginning to again believe that I am loved & accepted by the only One who matters.

As I read "Chosen for Life" my heart was moved. I cannot describe the emotions I experienced as I was reading except to say I was profoundly humbled. Humbled by the fact that God for no other reason other than expressing His mercy & for His glory alone seemingly arbitrarily chose me before the dawn of time to be His.

This fact by itself reinforces in me the need to know Him more, not out of arrogance but as a form of humble worship. Although there is no way I can re-pay the debt I owe Him I am still inspired as I have never been before; hence, I will no longer worship Him out of a spirit of obligation alone but also out of a spirit of intense gratitude. I will pour out my heart to Him both privately & publicly, & glean every bit of knowledge I can from the Scriptures concerning His character. I will put to death what sin in my life He brings to my knowledge, not by my power but by His grace. Lord, may You sanctify me to become more like You!

Not only sanctify me but also let others see the changes You make in me not for my credit but for Your glory so that they, too, may desire to come to know You as I do; may they come to repent & know saving grace because of what they see You do in the heart of a frail sinner such as I.

Lord Jesus, I also repent & beg Your forgiveness for not believing in You & doubting You. If I truly believed & had no doubts I would not sin. My sin is doubt & unbelief even as I looked upon Your face! Forgive me, Lord, & strengthen me....

As I read "Chosen for Life" it became clearer to me why we worship God: We worship Him because of who He is. We worship Him because of what He has done & continues to do in our lives. But more & more, for me, it is because of gratitude for choosing me when He was under no obligation whatsoever to do so.

Before I believed as I do now I worshiped more out of obligation not to God but to those around me. I had reason to doubt my salvation. Even if I had no doubts, why would I lift my voice to worship? Who was I worshiping? God?

Now that I look back through re-newed lenses I can see that I was indeed grateful; but I wasn't grateful so much for what God had done, rather I was grateful for the opportunity He freely offered & for the potential it posed therein. If I truly worshipped at all it wasn't out of gratefulness to Him alone but also out of gratefulness to myself! Could it be that I was actually worshipping both myself & God? Lord, let it not be so!

Nonetheless I should be cautious for I could easily fall into the sins of arrogance & pride even now. For although others may not share the same beliefs that we do it still doesn't make us any less brothers & sisters in Christ. Because I am not of Calvin & they of Arminius but we are all of Christ.

Ah, Kuwait!

Ah, Kuwait! Bordered by Iraq to the north, Saudi Arabia to the west & the Persian Gulf to the east, it serves as the primary logistics hub to both the U.S. & the Insurgents. Her landscape is hard on the eyes & is mostly sand & rock. Kuwait looks its best after nightfall, even better if observed through shut eyelids. Why anyone would proudly call this place home is beyond me.

We finally arrived in-country after a long, 16 1/2 hour flight that began just before 2 a.m. on Friday & ended at around 5 a.m. on Saturday. While in the air it seemed as if our plane was chasing the sun; indeed, we caught the sun & eventually passed it as darkness once again enveloped us. Imagine, if you can, the jet lag from which we suffered.

Eventually we would arrive at the place we would come to know as our home for the next few months. Ironically, it is known as "Mayberry" to the men & women who stay here, for the camp is small compared to the others in Kuwait. But I can't complain: We have free room & board, a Morale, Welfare & Recreation building & we're paid a whole $3.50 in per diem a day.

After we were afforded the remainder of Saturday to sleep & recover from our long journey we were given our assignments & sent to work. Yes, our first day was Sunday, & it did not begin with the ringing of church bells but with a muezzin calling on all faithful Muslims to prayer.

Being one of eight sailors assigned to a vessel team I am busy only so long as there is a ship in port; otherwise I have a short work day. I am keenly aware that those who are not on a vessel team are envious & I believe that it won't be long before they begin to voice their displeasure. Indeed, they have already begun to do so in spite of their strenuous two days on, one day off work schedule.

As it stands right now my day begins at 9:45 p.m. & concludes usually around 1 p.m. the following day. Although we relieve the other vessel team around midnight, we have to first pick-up our weapons, commute to the work site & eat. When our shift is over at noon we have to return to our camp, which explains why our day typically ends at 1 p.m. But, of course, if no ship is in port we can leave early.

My beloved wife was able to expeditiously mail out my trunk & as a result I have already received it. Which is good for all of us, because in that trunk is stowed a camera. Hopefully I will be able to sneak a few photos of where I'm staying & maybe even download them to this site.

He Made It

Craig was able to call this morning and all is well other than a bad case of jet lag. There is a seven hour difference; eight hours after tomorrow since Kuwait does not recognize daylight savings time. It was just about 5pm when he called (his time) and he had a briefing at 6 and after that I think he was heading off to bed to get some much needed rest. All he has right now is a sleeping bag and he was going to go and buy a pillow. I sent him his big foot locker the other day full of things from home like sheets, his pillow, a camera and other fun things for him to enjoy. We are also hoping to send him care packages or letters at least every two or three weeks. It takes about that long for him to receive them so maybe we can keep them coming :)

Well that is all I have for now. I am hoping that Craig will be able to update soon.

Oh....that picture that I thought was Craig isn't. He told me this morning that he knows for sure it's not him and he's right. I enlarged it and sure enough it's not. Bummer!

Well, He's Off!

Well Craig has left for the Middle East and I anxiously await his call to let me know that he has arrived safely. I was pretty emotional the night before his departure mostly because I knew that he would be so far away. There was some comfort knowing he was in the States. Even though we weren't together I knew he was safe. The good news is that this is just one more step needed for him to get home. The sooner he gets there the sooner he can get home....right?

The night he left he called me from his pre-paid cell phone that we bought right before he left for Virginia. He said that he had 9 minutes and about 35 seconds left and he wanted to use them up. So our conversation was pretty funny because I kept looking at my phone to see how long we had been talking and report that back to him. We were saying what we wanted to say to each other really fast because we wanted to make sure that we said everything before the time ran out. We did manage to tell each other that we loved each other and actually get to say goodbye before time ran out.

In other news, we have a great Ombudsman who keeps us updated and sends us information on our Unit. She sent an article that talks about Craig's unit and the work that they will be doing. And there is a picture of Craig holding one of the flags. It doesn't say who's in the pictures but below the picture you can click "View Larger" you can see it bigger. It totally looks like him ;) Check out the article if you get a chance at: http://www.news.navy.mil/search/display.asp?story_id=32952

Well I guess I will go now and wait by the phone - just kidding - maybe! Actually I don't expect a call today. Tomorrow maybe but not today. Thanks for your continuing prayers. They are greatly appreciated.