It has been my heart's desire to post more often on my blog but, lately, I've been prevented from doing so. Access to a computer connected to the Internet has been spotty to say the least due in no small part to the unusually high number of people staying here at this time. A vast majority of them, unlike myself, are transients either ultimately heading north to Iraq or going home. Regardless it doesn't really matter to me I just wish they would leave so everything can get back to normal & I can once again freely access the Web.
We have been staying busy, which is good, because otherwise time would appear to be at a stand-still. I know it isn't wise to wish away my life, for it is already short, like a breath of wind; but I consider this case to be an exception to the rule, an aberration of the norm. Yet in spite of what I feel, I know that I will one day look back at this time as a moment when God sovereignly moved in my life.
Privacy here is almost unheard-of. Before I wouldn't have cared as much but now that a desire to be with the Lord is becoming more insistent in me I am discovering that escape is not so easy. There are no closets to which I can run nor are there any bathrooms where I can lock the door & hide. Well, there are those portable toilets but they're plastic with no "clean" seats & they smell like - well - a sewer which is a distraction more than anything else.
Why do I have a desire for solitude? Quite simply, because I believe the Lord is calling me to repentance. And I need that solitude so I can vocalize that of which I'm repenting. Through this repentance will come revival, for God is quick to visit the repentant & humble soul. Since God resists the proud I have come to firmly believe that unless a man first humbles himself & repents he will never know God.
Of course I did not come to this conclusion on my own but with the help of a couple of books I recently read called "Repentance" by Richard Owen Roberts & "No Compromise: The Life Story of Keith Green" by Melody Green. Mr. Roberts' book expounds more on the practicality of the issue than does "No Compromise" but Mr. Green's biography does serve as a competent real-life example of someone who lived a life of repentance.
Both of these books were convicting & were sufficiently used by God to grasp my attention & to shake me out of the spiritual complacency to which I had fallen prey. By the grace of God I now know that repentance is not an act performed only at the point of salvation but it is something that I need to do continually. Repentance of sins should not be general or all-inclusive; it should be specific or itemized in my prayers. Repentance demands change not only of my outward actions but also of my inward heart. And, like our salvation, true repentance is not inherently a desire of my heart but a gift from God.
May it always be, Lord, may it always be!
Amen.
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1 comment:
I really do enjoy reading your posts. From a theological standpoint, they are wonderful. It is also nice to see that you are able to keep your values in what may seem like a place that has none. Though we come from different sides of the same coin (theologicaly speaking), you make some very valid points about repentance. It is a gift given from God. We are, after all, talking about a Holy God. One who cannot stand or be around sin. For Him to give us the ability to confess our sins and cleanse our souls in this manner is truly amazing. He not only allows us to put our sins on His Son, but also allows us to feel better by repenting our sins to Him. What an amazing God we serve!
On another note, it is good to hear from you. It had been silent for awhile. I hope your spirits are holding up in this time when it seems that seperation from the family and everything you hold dear is truly the hardest.
Your brother (in life and in Christ),
Brian
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